Dateline Washington: Darth Dick Cheney, Vice President of the United States, is in the hospital this morning after suffering shortness of breath. Sources have revealed that doctors at George Washington University Hospital were also checking for bruising of his neck. A high level Administration official has informed CNN that Cheney may have been choked by someone not happy with the VP’s views on torture.

Administration officials familiar with the VP’s condition have indicated that the breathing trouble could also be related to foot problems Cheney has had for some time. It seems that every time the Vice President speaks, his foot wants to place itself in his mouth.

On a related note, the Rev. Pat Robertson has indicated his belief that this is just God’s punishment for being one of those responsible for killing thousands of American soldiers and Iraqi civilians.

This is parody. In case you couldn’t tell.